My 30 Second Interview With Jonathon Ive

No, I'm not kidding. This actually happened.

On the way out of the Moscone Center this morning - as streams of people are leaving to get some fresh air and digest all of the announcements from the WWDC 2009 keynote address - I see a familiar face walking towards me. It's Jonathon Ive. I can't friggin' believe it. This guy is design royalty.

But I'm from Los Angeles: we're not afraid to approach the rich of famous in my city. Heck, I produce theatre with lots of famous actors & comedians, so I often have to work with known personalities. This was a rare opportunity and certainly not a time for sudden shyness, so I approached the master designer and introduced myself.

The following is an EXACT transcript of what transpired:

Me: Jonathon...?
Jonathon: [turns, sees I'm no one he knows] Yes...?
Me: David Koff. Nice to meet you.
Jonathon: Thank you.
Me: May I snap a photo with you?

[beat. he pauses, looks around, unsure of what to say, clearly uncomfortable.]

Me: It's not a big deal. If you'd rather not, it's quite OK.
Jonathon: Well, there are others here who are also deserving of a photo but I can't accommodate them as well, so... how about we just shake hands?
Me: That would be lovely. I'm a great fan of your work.
Jonathon: Thank you, that's very kind.
Me: You're welcome. Keep up the good work.
Jonathon: [looking at me like I'm insane] I'll do that. Thank you.

[He walks off. I wait a moment. I follow calling after him, running and waving my arms wildly as if in a Seth Rogan romantic comedy...]

Me: Godspeed, Jonathon! I love you! Have my babies...!

OK, well maybe that's not how I ended the conversation, but everything before that was accurate. Ive is a notoriously private and quiet individual which is why I was surprised to even see him out and about with the crowd. And which is why I was surprised he even stopped to turn and speak with me.

But that's your dutiful Mac Dweeb, folks. Always willing to find the hard-to-get interviews... even when the interviewee doesn't know they were scheduled to meet me in the first place.

WWDC Updates - part 2

iPhone 3.0:

+ rentals and purchasing of movies/tv shows/iTunesU on phone
+ tethering: use your iPhone to connect to the web - wired or wireless
+ AT&T to support tethering...eventually
+ streaming video over http
+ auto-fill (to remember usernames/passwords)
+ support for hebrew, arabic, thai, greek, chinese... over 30 languages supported
+ Find My iPhone feature - use MobileMe to locate your phone with google maps and to send your phone a message and play an audible noise. or.... to remotely WIPE the phone in case of senstive data.

WWDC Updates

Follow me LIVE on twitter right now at @themacdweeb. Moment to moment updates. Already streaming live.

More from WWDC

Folks are saying they've seen Steve Jobs here. Unconfirmed. But I personally expect him to be a part of the keynote at some point. My prediction: look for him in a "one more thing" segment.

WWDC 2009

Well, folks: it is nearly 8am and your humble Mac Dweeb has arrived at WWDC, or the World Wide Dweeb Conference for Apple fans. Thousands here already. It's nutty. More dweebs than you can shake a stick at. In fact, I forgot my stick. Left it at the hotel. Damn.

The keynote begins at 10am sofor the moment, we sit and wait. Most of us on the floor of the Moscone Center. Now I know what you're thinking: you paid $1200 for a conference ticket to sit on the floor?!

Lookit: sitting around and waiting is a time-honored tradition for ANY sysadmin or tech wizard, trust me. This yearly pilgrimage to the floor of the Moscone Center is just part of the deal. More later when we're in the main hall. 

And now: coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. 

Sssssh: It's a Secret - Buy a Cheap Mac

The Mac Dweeb has no patience for ignorance or laziness: both are easily avoided or remedied with something I like to call "The Internet".

That being said, how many douche bags do you know in middle management that tell you, "I'm sorry, buddy: we can't afford to buy Macs for our end users because they cost much more than PC's." Honestly, I want to lock all of these lazy, ignorant people in a big room and smack each one in the face with a kielbasa.

The myth that Macs are more expensive than PC's is just not true anymore. Hasn't been for a while. And you can read all about that here... or here... or here... or even here.

What is absolutely true is that Apple doesn't make flimsy, cheap computers. They never have. For that reason, you won't find a brand new $299 Mac no matter how hard you look. Apple's cheapest Mac is the Mac Mini which starts at $599. And sure, you can buy a Dell Mini for $299, but it won't have the same computing power, features, or accessories as the cheapest Mac portable.

This is because Apple's never been interested in competing in a "race to the bottom". Instead, they've elected to create higher-quality computers that sell for more money than the cheapo models. However...

Apple does have one very interesting secret which I rarely, if ever, hear anyone talking about. And The Mac Dweeb loves a good secret (like the time when Re-Run secretly bootlegged the Doobie Brothers concert - scroll to min 12:30). So here's the big reveal: surf on over to the Apple Store and pick up a cheap Mac. That's it.

"Wait, a second, Mac Dweeb," you say. "Doesn't the Mac Store only sell the same computers that I see in all of the other computer stores?"

Yes. Only, they also sell refurbished Macs with full one-year warranties as well. Usually for $300 less than the exact same but brand new model. Think I'm kidding? Check THIS out over at The Apple Store. While you can find used Macs for sale in a variety of unregulated places, none of them come with a one-year hardware warranty. And trust me, I've checked.

Thank me later.

Seriously, buy me a latte or something.

The Problem with Safari 4 Beta: It Just Kinda Sucks

I'm a simple man.

I like a good cup of coffee in the morning, mellow get-togethers with close friends and web browsers that do the one thing they were meant to do - browse the web. Problem is: Safari 4 beta doesn't come close to living up to its advertised awesomeness. Even worse, it kinda sucks ass.

Now look: I'm not a guy in a lab coat and stop watch. I don't have "metrics" or "benchmarks" or "a degree in measuring shit". I'm just a guy who manages a network of 250 Macs and works on at least four different Macs at any given time. So frankly, I think my own experiences are pretty valid. And in EVERY case, on every computer, Safari 4 starts off really fast but then - after a week or so - it breaks down, wears out and slows down to a crawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwl.

And you know what? It seems I'm not alone in discovering this. Not by a long shot.

What can I tell you? I'm a fan of Apple but they produce the occasional turd every now and again. Repeatedly, actually. But hey: every company does. Except for Pixar... but they're a freak of nature. Seriously.

Despite my disappointments with Safari 4 Beta, I acknowledge a simple truth: there's no single browser that's so full of awesomeness that I'll stop using all other browsers. Frankly, I hope that will always be the case. If everyone used the same browser, innovation would stop, competition would falter and we'd all be much worse off than we are right now. Worse, we'd all be using some shitty version of Internet Explorer. Ugh. Kinda makes me shiver.

In the meantime, I'm running Firefox 3.0.11 and enjoying the speed. It's really nice and I'm enjoying the add-ons, especially for delicious, multiple GMail signatures and the ridiculous. I wonder if there's an add-on to thrown darts at Karl Rove...?

Hmm....

So Apple missed the mark with this beta version of Safari. That's OK, it's a beta for crying out loud (just like GMail)

The Mac Tablet: What We Know, What I Predict

My goodness, the holiday weekend certainly started with a frothy cup of bally-hoo, didn't it? More info on the rumored Mac Tablet/MacTouchPad/HiPhone hit the streets Friday morning and folks dropped their morning joe and starting twatting furiously.

Note to readers: conjugation of the verb "tweet" in the past, present and future tense is as follows:

• I will twoot tomorrow
• I am tweeting now
• I twatted yesterday

So look: let's just take it easy and take a big breathe. Just the facts, ma'am. Just the facts...

First, the screen size: 5" x 8.66"

Reuters - the news service with the funny name - reports that the new Apple device will sport 10 inch diagonal screens. What does that mean? Well, if we pull out our old friend, Mr. Pythagorean Theorem, and plug in some numbers, we wind up with a device that has a screen which measures approximately 5" x 8.66". (Bonus math note: if you're not familiar with the pythagorean theorem, here's a quick lesson from Darth Vader)

Second, the product size: 5.1" x 9.66"

If the screens on the new device measure 5" x 8.66" then the entire device will be a bit larger. The full size of the iPhone is 2.25" x 4.25", with a half-inch of space above and below the screen. If we keep the same ratio as the iPhone, we'd get a device which is about 5.1" x 9.66".

Third, the price: $500-700

Gene "My Last Name is a Cheese" Munster laid down the smack this week with a report claiming that Apple's new product will sell for between $500-$700. Gene isn't a fortune teller - especially looking like a frat boy - but he is one of the long-standing voices from the "Research Analyst" community and seems to have his shit together.

Fourth, the key feature: a touch screen.

While this sounds pretty stoopid to actually write (and ever stooopider for you to read), it's worth reminding folks that the screens Apple ordered for this device are touch screens. So get ready to use your fingers and hands on this new device, whatever it is.

Fifth, the arrival date: next year.

Peter Smith - a guy with a Van Dyke who looks like he's either about to kill me or attend a Ren Faire Anonymous meeting - writes about the Gene Munster announcement, highlighting the fact that this product will probably arrive sometime in the first quarter of 2010. Peter scares me, so I'll just believe him. I don't want to incur his wrath.

Sixth, the core features: WiFi, Bluetooth, stereo headset, camera, speaker

The iPhone, iPod Touch (minus the speaker) and every Mac laptop already have these features as standard. Apple's new device will as well. No link to support this. Just common sense. Bluetooth integration should also allow for keyboards and mice to work with the device.

Seventh, tablet vs. netbook: nobody friggin' knows.

ArsTechnica is a blog I respect, and not just because their name evokes things like latin, art or technology. They also have good writers, well-informed opinions and GIRLS. Jacqui Cheng sums up the debate quite nicely in an article that takes no sides. Which is to say, she avoids opining on the matter and has instead just reported the facts, which I respect. And she's also pleasantly hot when framed against brick. But that's just me.

Lastly, now that we've got the facts all mentioned, I'll offer my own opinions. Because, you know, I'm ballsy like that.

Tim Cook said "if we find a way where we can deliver an innovative product that really makes a contribution, then we'll do that." Based on that, what I'm looking for is: innovation. That means thinking outside of the box, or in this case - the hinged box. You see, while everyone is focusing on a tablet or netboot form factor, no one's thinking the idea through like an Apple innovator would.

Innovation #1: The Closer.

Question: how do you protect a 5" x 9" screen from drops, bumps or scratches from keys inside of a handbag? Answer: use ANOTHER screen.

My prediction is that one of the innovations we'll be seeing from Apple's isn't a new device with just a single touchscreen... but two. The device's screens will be cleverly hinged together so that it folds shut, protecting the surface of each screen. Think I'm insane? Think Different. "Fold" two iPhones together and you'll begin to see what I'm talking about. The back side of the device is an excellent means of protecting the touch screen.

The iPhone grabbed people's imagination because it took a mobile device and innovated by doing away with a physical keyboard. Apple will do the same with a game-changing portable computer. Why have a physical keyboard if you don't need one? Instead, create a device with two touch screens and an accelerometer so the thing knows where it is in three-dimensional space. Open it up on a table and the visual keyboard will auto-appear on the lower half. Turn it on its upper half and the device will re-orient itself.

Or - and here's where Amazon officially takes a shit on themselves - turn the device sideways and you'll have a two sided, touch panel device that looks and works like a book. Read two full pages of text and then, with a swipe of your finger, flip to another two pages... This would easily overshadow the Kindle. Why have one device for reading a digital book and another for surfing the web? Or taking pictures? Or checking email? Or reading magazines? Which reminds me...

Innovation #2: Software, Software, Software

With the newspaper industry falling apart like, well, newspaper...something's gotta give. Apple's already repackaged music digitally in order to distribute it to the masses and reduce litter and waste. It can do the same with newspapers and, yes, magazines. I envision a new section of the iTunes stores that caters to novels, books and magazines. Why waste paper and purchase four or five magazines before your international flight to Fiji to visit Tony Robbins. Instead, you'll go to the iTunes store wirelessly and download the latest issues of each of your faves and not waste a sheet of paper.

Innovation #3: Gee, Gee, Gee... I wonder what it could be?

Three "Gee"s? Yes. The new device will sport 3G connectivity. And, for a monthly fee (Verizon's monthly 3G MiFi plan is $60/mo and is pretty god-damned great), you'll be able to surf the web even when away from a Wifi hotspot. With AT&T's exclusive on the iPhone coming to an end, this would be an excellent way to start doing business with Verizon. A recent Apple job posting hints at the company wanting to have a 3G expert on staff. And recent builds of Snow Leopard (10.6) include a WWAN listing in the system profiler. Are you ready to have the most annoying spokesman on the planet, pitch for Apple?

Innovation #4: Go stick it in your monitor. Seriously.

A while back, Apple patented a system whereby one can dock a small notebook computer INTO the body of a monitor to help (a) charge the device (b) transfer data to and from the device (c) save desk space (d) integrate with USB devices and (e) to look friggin' awesome. Look for this patent to now see the light of day as a simple way to charge the new device and sell additional, cool monitors.

Innovation #5: I've got blue teeth.

While it might be useful to have a USB port on the device to plug in a mouse, keyboard or other device, I wouldn't count on it. The iPhone 3.0 will support the A2DP bluetooth protocol and this new device will as well. This should allow just about ANYthing to connect wirelessly to this device: cars, stereos, GPS devices, headsets, mice, keyboards, and much, much more.

So there you have it, the experts' takes and my own. Now all we gotta do is wait and see what Apple delivers... and when. And for a guy like me that hates waiting, this is going to be the hardest part. Because, let's be honest: even a single second can seem to last forever.

Save $$$ - Upgrade Your Own Mac Video Tutorials

If you prefer to save money these days (I only know of a few folks that don't), why not try your hand at upgrading your own Macintosh?! The good folks over at OWC have created an extensive and totally free set of instructional videos that show you how to install such items as:

• memory
• hard drives
• optical drives
• accelerators
• PCI cards
• eSATA cables

For me, this is ridiculously cool for several reasons. First, the site is broken down by Mac model so it's incredibly easy to find your computer among the models listed. Second, each video has three versions in order accommodate any bandwidth and monitor size. Third, each video is RATED by skill level, so if you aren't sure if you have the skills to do a particular job, they'll break it down for you.

Lastly - and this is a nice touch - each video give you a breakdown of the tools you'll need to do the job. Of course, if you happen to be missing the proper tools, OWC is VERY happy to sell you their own kit, but even that's awfully cheap.

This is a slam-dunk resource for any DIY'er.

The Easiest Way to Fix Your Mac

Back in the days of OS 9, if your Mac was ever acting strangely, there was a trick you do that was so simple, that anyone – even the motards – could do it and help to maintain their own Macs. Back then, all you needed to do was to rebuild your desktop files and EVERYONE knew how to do that: you just restarted your computer while holding down the option and apple keys. Doing this caused a couple of files that were invisible to be rebuilt which, more often than not, fixed the problem. The upshot? Even if it didn’t fix the problem, rebuilding the desktop files was something that couldn’t cause damage to your Mac. It would ONLY help.

And man: wouldn’t you love to know that there was something like that now for OSX? Well there is and – shock of all shocks – it’s totally FREE. The application is called Applejack and it’s so simple that even a chimp could use it. Maybe not a whale, but come on: whales don’t type well at all, so it’s not a fair thing to expect.

Let’s break it down in five easy steps:

Step One: Head over to sourceforge and download the app to your Mac. Benefits? It’s free and everyone likes free.

Step Two: Install the software. If you want to also check your RAM, choose to do a customized install and also install “MemTest”. Benefits? You’ll get two programs for the price of one.

Step Three: Restart your Mac, hold down the “Command” and the “S” keys to boot into “Single User Mode”. (NOTE: You must use a wired, usb keyboard for this. Wireless keyboards will NOT work) Single User Mode is a fancy term that tells your Mac to “turn off the graphics and boot strictly into text only mode”. Benefits? Seeing your Mac boot into single user mode is seriously cool. In fact, since you’ve probably never SEEN your Mac boot up into plain ‘ole text before, you’ll feel like you’re a computer whiz seeing something rare and forbidden.

Step Four: Type the following “applejack auto restart” and then hit enter. Now go grab a cup of coffee. Benefits? Harvard thinks coffee is healthy.

Step Five: Watch your screen for about five minutes as Applejack runs through five different tasks – running disk utility to repair your internal hard drive, fixing your permissions, cleaning up a series of cache files, validating core preferences and removing all swap files. When it’s finished, your computer will restart auto-magically. Benefits? You’ve just enjoyed an awesome cup of coffee while looking VERY cool to your co-workers.

While this might not fix deeper problems on your Mac, it’s simple, easy and free. Give it a shot and relive your old “rebuild the desktop files” glory days, why don’t’cha?

Damn the Press – Look for Jobs @ WWDC 2009

With Apple’s Worldwide Developer Conference ramping up in a few short weeks and with the company having recently abandonned the annual MacWorld conference, most of the tech press has been salivating over “the big question”: is Steve Jobs going to return from his medical leave to give the big keynote presentation…?!? The timing seemed appropriate and with new iPhones, a new OS and a rumored new Mac Tablet device all being prepped by the firm. And who better to announce these new products than the man who helped bring Apple back from the dead?

Reality, however, has a funny way of destroying hopes, rumors…and hearts. Apple announced last week that Phil Schiller – Apple’s own version of the StayPuff Marshmallow Man – would be delivering the keynote and not Steve Jobs. If you were listening carefully last week, you might have actually heard thousands of hearts all over the world simultaneously breaking.

But…

Apple didn’t say that Steve Jobs wouldn’t participate in the keynote address. What they said was “A team of Apple executives, led by Philip Schiller, Apple’s senior vice president of Worldwide Product Marketing, will deliver the keynote.” This, for me, leaves open the possibility of His Royal Steveness making a guest appearance at the keynote address.

A guest appearance makes sense for a variety of reasons. First, Jobs and Schiller are very fond of using iChat in their keynote presentations, often to great humorous effect. Second, a guest appearance via iChat frees Steve to participate in the keynote from anywhere in the world: his sick bed, his living room or an undisclosed location at CENTCOM. Third, by not directing or assembling an entire keynote presentation, Jobs gives his lieutenants and the company time to shine while he focuses on killer product announcements and doing shtick with Phil.

My bet? If a new iPhone model is introduced with a front facing camera, look for Jobs to introduce the iChat app during the first-ever iPhone video call with Schiller. And who knows….? If Jobs’s health is remotely better, perhaps he might even make that call during a guest appearance at the Moscone Center. We’ll find out in just a few short weeks.

Oh, and, “One More Thing”: as long as Apple doesn’t let Bertrand Serlet drone on during the keynote, no one will fall asleep.